It’s coming up!!

xoxo by Lilibeth Martinez

September is coming to an end. Fall is here, which means my birthday month!! YAY, a day all about me (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)! My birthday is actually one of those weird days; I have a love-hate relationship with it. I am overwhelmed by sadness and nervousness all day. Towards the end, I feel relieved and happy that the day is over. I ALWAYS end up crying by the end. I hate how much of an effect a day has on me. It's like a day where I try not to get my hopes up because it always leads to disappointment. I hope this year is different. 

I'm entering my twenties and honestly don't even know how to feel about it. With how my life was going during the summer, I felt extremely behind in life. However, now I feel content with where I am. I definitely do feel like I need to be doing more, but I know this current season that I am in was a must. I've grown so much, and I know this season his just preparing me for the future. 

I'm excited about the new adventures and challenges life has for me. I trust God will always accompany me. I hope this upcoming month is just the beginning of the best to come. 

(I tried to do like a 2000s magazine cover/page; I don't think it came out super similar, but it's def cute. LMAOO my inspo was lit a 2000s RBD magazine; the obsession runs deep)

Shopping Haul!

Shopping Haul by Lilibeth Martinez 

AHAHAH, hands down one of the best shopping hauls I've done recently.

Towards the end of July, with everything going on in my life, I felt like I needed a creative outlet. I like to think I have a hobby, but if I'm honest, I don't think I have a set hobby where I wind down and do something I enjoy.

BUT, recently I've been loving thrifting. I just enjoy it soo much. Cheap clothes that spice up my fashion, which is something I've recently put more thought into. However, sometimes when I'm thrifting, I'll find a cute piece, but it's either too big or it would look so much better with a few tweaks.

I love watching videos of people upcycling their clothes or thrifting finds. It gave me the inspo to buy a sewing machine and do the same. I honestly had forgotten I was going to buy it, but it came at the perfect time!! I bought some essentials as well, but I think I might return them and exchange them for a sewing kit from Hobby Lobby. But I'm not sure.

I'm extremely excited to start sewing and upcycling my clothes!! If you guys have any tips, please let me know! I'm super excited 

Porque soy asi ૮(◞ ‸ ◟ )ა

La vergüenza siempre me ha tenido prisionera en mi propia vida. No sé si es porque mis padres eran un poco fríos conmigo, porque no sabían expresarse emocionalmente, o porque la vida es traicionera y nos arrebata lo que más queremos, dejándonos con heridas que no sabemos cómo curar o cómo vivir con ellas. Pero yo soy de esas personas a las que les cuesta decir te quiero, te extraño, te amo, te necesito y me cuesta confiar en los demás.

Y me choca tanto ser así; me siento tan inútil y un poco inhumana. He visto cómo mis amistades y relaciones amorosas sufren por mi inaccesibilidad emocional. Así soy, pero al mismo tiempo siento todo; soy extremadamente sensible y llorona. Siento tantos sentimientos dentro de mi ser, pero todos sin expresarlos.

Hasta escribo estas palabras en español porque me da tanta vergüenza que alguien más sepa cómo realmente me siento. Trágame tierra cuando alguien que yo conozca lea todas mis publicaciones y sepa lo que verdaderamente ocurre en mi vida.

A lo largo de mi vida, he crecido y me he vuelto más emocionalmente disponible. Estoy tan agradecida con mis amigas por quererme como soy y ser tan comprensivas conmigo y dejar que poco a poco confíe en ellas. 

Pero en el aspecto amoroso, autosaboteo. Nunca me siento digna de ser amada por un hombre. Mi primer pensamiento cuando un chico quiere algo conmigo es que es una broma pesada. No cabe en mi cabeza que un hombre realmente me vea, piense que soy bonita y quiera tomarse el tiempo en conocerme. No es que piense que estoy tan fea, pero realmente no soy tan interesante como para que alguien pierda su tiempo conmigo.Y no es que no quiera tener una relación, pero es tan difícil expresar sentimientos que no sé ni nombrarlos. Y sí, he tenido casi algos, pero siempre me conformo con lo mínimo, nunca lo que realmente quiero. 

Estoy cansada de sentirme así, y sé que muchos de mis pensamientos negativos son mentiras y nomás son para atormentarme, es nomás la ansiedad hablando. No puedo mentir; sé que no estoy lista para una relación, aunque sí quisiera experimentar y conocer a alguien sin presiones.

Al mismo tiempo, me siento estable conmigo misma. Estoy joven, los hombres siguen en abundancia y sé que todo a su tiempo; no es necesario ponerme en una situación en la que esté con alguien solo para no sentirme sola.

La verdad se siente increíble por fin decir esto y no sentirme juzgada. 

Por eso amo mi blog. 

Besos!

Lean and Toned

Recently, well, actually, since May, I've stopped going to the gym. I've noticed my face is getting a bit chubbier than average and, honestly, my body needs toning. 

I literally feel like my body gives off a 12-year-old girl. I need to fix that asap rocky. All it is is that I'm skinny, but at the same time skinny-fat, but not really, but I don't wanna be like this anymore. I had a decent routine going before, but I really wasn't watching what I was eating. This time I want to do things differently. 

Since I haven't worked out since before summer started, I want to ease back into it. I have a treadmill here at home. I was thinking for 2 weeks I'll work out at home, get into a routine, and do some at-home workouts. After the 2 weeks, I get a membership at Planet Fitness and lock in. 

I want to start drinking protein and creatine just because I do wanna gain weight. Just a bit, but have it distributed, not just on my stomach. First, I just wanna focus on losing fat in my stomach. It's not much, and I can complete it in the two weeks at home. So at the gym I can focus on legs, arms, and back. I just wanna be toned and have more shape. 

I've definitely learned so much about what works for me and how I can't just work out legs and not do arms. With school starting, I wanna create structure and discipline in my life. I'm in the process of creating a daily routine that incorporates school, exercise, hobbies, outings with friends, and church. 

I'm excited to get back into the gym. During school, it would help me de-stress, and I felt 10 times better if I went to the gym at least 3 times a week. 

If you guys have any tips, I'm open to them. I'm definitely not a pro and need all the help I can get.